Overeaters Anonymous

I am not a scientist, but it seems my brain seeks to satisfy a certain level of compulsion. If I’m not satisfying it through one compulsion, another intensifies to meet the level. This is not a hopeless situation, though. From what little I know about the brain’s workings, habitual ways of thinking become so deeply entrenched they result in “default” thought patterns.

If that’s true, maybe compulsions are a matter of deeply entrenched default patterns that compel me toward certain ways of thinking and behaving. I can reroute these powerful pathways, but it takes plenty of work by making a conscious effort to reinforce new ways of thinking. Perhaps that’s why OA works for those who work it. Through the Steps and tools, we learn new ways of thinking that we reinforce over and over. Going to meetings and sharing experiences with others who are also trying new ways of thinking and acting outside of compulsion serve to redirect us from old, nonworking patterns. Perhaps the reason we can recover from but never be cured of compulsion is that our default pathways are like a set point. If our compulsive thinking and acting is our default and we are not constantly reinforcing the new pathways, then these pathways “reset” to default mode.

I’ve been trying to understand my compulsions for a long time. I have come across some stuff that has led me to this theory about how compulsion works. I might be wrong. But if there’s anything to it, I hope scientists studying the brain are reading this and getting together with the medical community so they can help the myriad people suffering from compulsions. (When I imagine a world where people live free of compulsion, I see a happier, saner, freer world for everyone.)

I was watching a movie yesterday about a brilliant mathematician studying for his doctorate. He said through mathematics he sees amazing things others don’t. When he looks at numbers and formulas, he sees things my brain doesn’t seem to have the capacity to detect or to communicate to me. That made me think of how amazing it is that our brains work in unique ways; some can see things in a mathematic formula and others in a lump of clay.

I wouldn’t criticize a tree for not being a flower or a man for not being a woman. (Okay, maybe I have criticized my husband for not thinking like a woman, but that underscores my point.) Expecting a tree to be a flower leads to pointless frustration. A more apt analogy would be criticizing a word-processing application for not working like a spreadsheet application. Expecting software that’s programmed to work one way to work another way will lead to frustration. The good news is I can “reprogram” my thoughts and actions by always working to reinforce new patterns of thought and behavior. I must remember who I am. Compulsion is my default. If I want to live another way, I must keep working the new ways so my brain does not reset to the default. I have learned I am not strong enough to overcome my default patterns alone. I am powerless over food, and being active in compulsion makes my life unmanageable. I need a Higher Power and the help that power makes available through OA to live free of compulsion and the chaos that comes with it.

— Anonymous, New Jersey USA (March/April 2012 Lifeline)

Abstaining from compulsive eating through having a food plan is a spiritual exercise that brings me closer to God (as I don’t understand God), and that lets me have a true connection with others and myself. All the years I was eating compulsively I was looking for solutions in the food—for friendship, acceptance, satiety, a feeling of belonging, of peace and release, and ease and comfort. Abstinence for me is the action of not looking for these things in food . . .

Many things have been indispensable as I learn how to eat the way I believe I ought to—that is, having moderate amounts of food at fairly regular intervals that keep my body healthy and functional. Some of the things I have learned are the importance of three meals a day withnothing in between; planning each meal ahead of time . . . ; not eating foods that cause me to feel fearful, uncomfortable or guilty; asking trusted friends (including my “normal-eater” spouse) to check out my meal to see if it looks moderate and balanced; stopping to say a blessing before I eat; committing to build a relationship with a Higher Power through prayer; saying “please” every morning and “thank you” every night; assuming a physical posture of humility when I pray; working with a sponsor and sponsee; and developing a repertoire of meals that work, so I have some easy choices to rely on when I feel overwhelmed or scared. Mostly, I have to keep it very simple.

Planning my eating means I don’t always get to eat what or when I want to. By practicing it one day at a time for two and a half years, I’ve learned that it is actually a spiritual discipline. Today I believe I have to put down the food to recover from the food. When I practice refraining from compulsive eating using the very tangible tools I have been given by those who have what I want (and by the grace of that mysterious Power), I find that food does lose its power. In abstinence and in the Steps and tools of this program, I find all the acceptance, power and feeling of belonging that I looked for so desperately in the food.

— Lifeline, September 1995

I’m a diabetic whose life had become so unmanageable that my doctor had just about written me off. Thanks to OA, my blood sugar has been normal for the past five months, and I’ve been taken off all medication. I’ve lost 43 pounds (20 kg) and am on a good recovery.

I’ve finally figured out what it means to surrender. Food will never again have the chance to destroy me. I’ve battled food for many years without success. I thought I was strong enough to conquer it, but I was wrong.

I’m tired of coming up bruised and battered after each encounter. I’ve wasted enough of my life in this useless struggle. The war is over. I surrender!

It’s time to rebuild, so I’m walking away knowing that from now on I’ll eat only what I need.

It’s inevitable that our paths will cross again and food will try to seduce me with promises of the pleasures and joys of openended eating. But I know that these are false promises, that the satisfactions of overeating are shortlived.

I’ve found all the good feelings I need in OA. Being abstinent is joy; feeling healthy is bliss.

There are many strange things I’ve learned in OA, but perhaps the strangest of all is that by a simple act of surrender, you can win a war!

— Lifeline, September 1984

I have been in OA for almost 11 years. I lost my excess weight (some 80 pounds/36 kilograms) in the first year and a half and maintained for many years thereafter. I had been in relapse for quite a while, but never stopped attending OA meetings.

Recently I came to realize that I believed that being thin was what had made me a worthy person. I felt so good about myself when I was thin (for the first time in my life) that I began to panic when I started to regain weight. I lost touch with the fact that food is not my problem; living is. I started desperately trying to diet the weight off again, but it didn’t work. During the past several years, I have regained 50 (23 kg) of those 80 pounds (36 kg). Some of it I needed to gain since I’d lost too much weight originally, but I’m still 30 pounds (14 kg) overweight.

In relapse, I lost sight of the notion that it’s not what I eat but how I live my life that counts. If I’m doing my Higher Power’s will, the extra weight will come off. Lately I’d been doing my will. But I’ve been able to ask Higher Power for the strength to make amends and go forward.

Since I have come to this realization and made a commitment to change, my abstinence has returned. I pray I can continue to let go. Working the Twelve Steps so that I deepen my relationship with my Higher Power and accept HP’s will in my life—that’s the answer for me.

— Lifeline, June 199